19 self-reflection questions to create a fulfilling life

Our dominant questions are what set us forwards or backward. Simply put, the questions we ask ourselves validate our beliefs and shape our reality.

How? Through a small area of the brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). This pencil-sized bundle of nerves filters out information so that only the important stuff gets through. However, the RAS only filters the world through the parameters you give it.

For example, if you are thinking of getting an ankle tattoo, you will start to see ankle tattoos everywhere. If you just learned a new phrase, you will start to hear that phrase everywhere. It’s much like a social media algorithm—once you ‘like’ something, you’ll start to receive more of the same content. 

Therefore, with the right questions in our mind, we can train the RAS to help push us toward our goals and create a more fulfilling life. Below are some questions that you can ask to regularly self-reflect and motivate yourself toward your goals. 

1. How do I use this?

The first three questions in this list are focused on delivering better value when learning new habits or striving towards new goals, such as learning a language or taking a course. We often adopt these practices without really asking ourselves how we are going to use this skill practically. If we focus on situations and circumstances where what you learn will be useful, you will have the motivation to continue. 

2. Why must I use this?

When adopting a new skill you need to focus on ‘why’ it is required, and how it serves your end goal. Just like people buy with their heart more than their head, you need to focus on the absolute reasons why your new objective is going to change your life. Reasons reap results.

3. When will I use this?

Sustainable motivation can only be cultivated by moving from your head (the how) to your heart (why) to your hands (when). By scheduling our activities, we are much more likely to follow through on them. For example, a study shows that keeping a food diary doubles weight loss for those on a diet.

4. Where is my attention?

Your mind doesn’t respond well to being on a leash, and will tend to wander, a lot of the time, to some uncomfortable or pointless places (including your phone). By asking this question, we can refocus and deliver on our priority activities or thought patterns, whether we are writing, studying for an exam, or spending quality time with our loved ones. 

5. What am I grateful for?

In an age where we’re constantly surrounded by reminders of what we don’t have, it is so essential that we remind ourselves of everything we do have, even if they are as simple as a roof over our head. Asking this question every day and creating a gratitude practice (preferably first thing in the morning) allows us to reduce stress, sleep better, increase our confidence, and better appreciate ourselves and others.

6. How can I bring someone happiness today?

For centuries, the greatest thinkers have said that happiness is found in helping others. As selfish as it may sound, altruism is also pleasurable for us, not just the other person. We now know that giving activates the same parts of the brain that are stimulated by food and sex. Positivity is infectious, and helping others gives us a life that is not only happier but also healthier, wealthier, and meaningful.

7. What is hindering me? (internal)

According to buddhist tradition, people are restricted from their own progress due to five fluctuating thought patterns: sensual desire, ill will/aversion, dullness/heaviness, restlessness/worry, and sceptical doubt. You can learn more about each one in this amazing Ted Talk by Master Shi Heng Yi. By reflecting on this question, you can check your current hindrances and take action to overcome them. 

8. What is hindering me? (external)

Although hindrances are internal, it is also important to notice if anything in your external world is blocking you from progress—and how you can change it. Is something in your job stopping you from that promotion (training, challengers, hierarchy)? What can be done or overcome to achieve it? By taking the time to think about these challenges, we can make the changes we want to see in our world. 

9. How can I make this moment more magical?

Every present moment the possibility to be made more memorable, bringing ourselves and the people around us out of their thoughts and anxieties and directly into that moment. Is there something you can do today to become more present? 

10. How could I have made today even better?

Our errors are powerful teachers. Before finally learning to ride a bike, we must fall down many times. And to win in a big way, we must be unafraid to keep losing beforehand. By keeping track of our failures, we can do better the next time a similar situation arises. One tactic to achieve this is to journal on this question every night. If the same things keep showing up, then there is clear room for improvement that you can use to evolve. 

11. When was the last time I celebrated my achievements?

Just as important as learning from our mistakes is giving ourselves credit for what we’ve achieved. Self-reflection should not just be about constant improvement, but giving ourselves much-needed boosts in confidence. Worrying about being ‘cocky’ or ‘showy’ often puts people off self-promotion, but it is an essential skill to not only empower yourself, but also to share your voice and value with others. It will make the progress you’ve made feel worth it.

12. What is my ‘why’?

It is not what we do or how we do it, but why we do something that drives our purpose. As part of the ‘golden circle’, Simon Sinek tells us that the question of ‘why’ is the driving force behind powerful brands, strong leadership, and ideas people believe in. Without an answer to the question of ‘why’ we do what we do, we are left with surviving for the sake of what? By reminding ourselves about our ‘why’, we can recover a feeling of fulfillment and bring something to the world that mixes our passions, values, skills, and talents. 

13. Am I pushing myself enough?

After finding your ‘why’, you need to ask yourself what you are doing to fulfill it. Are the spare moments you have, between cooking, working, and sleeping, being put towards this ‘why’? If not, how can and schedule your time to push yourself further towards it? 

14. How calm am I through difficulty?

Although it’s important to push ourselves, we must also realise that if we don’t handle the difficulties in our life with a clear mind, then we will be completely absorbed by them. By practising an air of detachment, and decreasing the importance of your current challenges, you can stop them from causing panic. Your life is long and one day it will end. With that framework in mind, there is very little point in panicking through every difficult situation life presents you. If you don’t use it as a springboard from growth, then suffering is inevitable. 

15. What new skills am I learning?

Learning a new skill enables your mind to be more tactile and opens up new perspectives and opportunities. However, it also helps you learn other new things better. The white matter in your brain is called myelin, and it helps improve performance on a number of tasks. The more people practice mastering a new skill, the more dense the myelin in their brains becomes, which helps us learn other skills even better.

16. How would I describe myself?

One of the first things we learn in a foreign language is expressing who we are. We can take a lot of pride in describing ourselves, but what if we don’t have a lot to say? If so, it means we can work out how we wish to describe ourselves in the future, giving us a platform to develop ourselves further. 

17. How am I moving my body today?

If the thought of meditation terrifies you, why not mimic the practice while moving your body? The more we can shift out of our heads and into our bodies, the more grounded we feel, and the better we can reduce stress, anxiety, and quiet the ‘monkey mind.’ This doesn’t have to mean running a marathon, even doing five push-ups or rolling your ankles in a circle can provide a meditative state and lead to an increase in overall performance. 

18. If I was to do something for free for the rest of my life, what would I want to do?

When answering this question, it’s important to focus on an area of plausibility — let’s not say we want to go to space if we’re not an astronaut. But whatever your answer is, you can set yourself repetitive targets that enable yourself to get closer to that fulfillment. When you have your ‘why’ and ‘what’, the ‘how’ is the most logical follow-up. And if you’re truly passionate about that thing, then the ‘how’ will appear as if by accident. 

19. How do I want to be remembered when I'm gone?

Do you want to be remembered as someone who made people laugh? Someone who helped people learn? Someone who created something that outlives even yourself? This question is one of legacy, and creates a sense of urgency that leads to a set of actions that you can take from this day on.